Blazer...Remixed

It has been a little chilly for the last few days (what the heck is up with that? I want my spring weather back!). So I decided to put together another outfit using my blazer. I think it was a pretty successful look. I felt good in it, at least.

Small Confession

Whenever I see someone from Salt Lake City, UT has visited my site (Hi!), I like to pretend that it's Dooce secretly following my little ol' blog.

This is my life

Most beds sleep up to six cats. Ten cats without the owner. ~Stephen Baker

Where I'm From..

Fairlie over at Around the Traps (she won my first...and only giveaway on this here blog..true story) did a post like this and I just loved it. Creative writing is in my blood so I decided to give it a go. She has the link to the template she used in case y'all want to try it to (please do!!)

I am from boom box stereos, from fruit loop cereal in the bottom cabinet and Rainbow Brite.
I am from a house full of crazy women, scorching heat, little rain, tornado warnings, and the summer song of the cicadas

I am from miles and miles of cotton fields, roadside bluebonnets, pecans right from the shell, and breath taking sunsets, from Howdy and Hey Y'all.

I am from banana pancakes on Christmas morning and singing Silent Night on Christmas Eve, from trying to talk louder than the person next to you, from Fred and Virginia.

I am from fierce loyalty, constant bickering, deep love, no excuses and working hard for the things you want.

From Grandpa swallowing a watermelon seed, birds pooping on pouty lips, and knuckle sandwiches.

I am from the Catholic faith, CCD classes and spring festivals.

From driving suburbans into bait shops, making every high school graduation, getting arrested at Mardi Gras and having a flat tire...again.

I am from my Grandma's back room and my memory trunk, stuffed full of the photos and mementos of my youth.

I'm from handmade German sausage and the legendary kegarator, from a long line of adventurous Germans who decided to trade their farm in Germany for a farm in the heart of big sky country and loved it so much they never left.

Fill In the Blank Friday

Hey, guess what? It's Friday

1. My most prized possession is...this is a hard one because I'm a sentimental fool. But, really, my Canon Rebel is my most prized possession. That little piece of machinery feeds my creative soul.

2. If I could be one age for the rest of my life, I would want to be...30. Y'all my 30's are starting out GREAT! I'm happier than I have ever been, healthier than I have ever been, more content then I have ever been. Life is pretty dang good right now.

3. The best way to spend a weekend is...sleeping in, having a cup of coffee or two, lazing around the house in my PJ's until I decide to get dressed..just to spend the rest of the day outside in the sunshine reading a good book.

4. My outlook on life is...life is the decisions that you make. Bad things happen, good things happen, unexpected things happen...it's all about how you decide to handle things that make your life what it is.

5. If you want to annoy me, just...complain about how tough you have it...when I'm having to do the exact same thing.

6. I am completely defenseless when it comes to...shoes. I love them..but sometimes they don't love me back (i.e. the braided flats I bought at Charlotte Russe last weekend blistered my feet after I wore them to walk the dogs)

7. When dressing for the day one should...feel comfortable,look cute, and add some personal flare.

ABC's of Me

A-Age: 30

B-Bed size: Queen, our room couldn't fit anything bigger

C-Chore you hate: I hate folding clothes

D-Dogs: Two, Bordie collie mix and a pug-chihuahua

E-Essential start to your day: Coffee, enough said

F-Favorite Color: Green, all different shades

G-Gold or Silver: I use to be a silver only girl, but I have come around to the greatness of gold..so both

H-Height: There is some dispute about how tall I actually am..I'm either 5'2" or 5'4"

I-Instruments you play: None, I wasn't really musically gifted

J-Job title: Customer Service Rep Extraordinaire

K-Kids: Sadly, nope..not yet

L-Live: I live on the corner of cattle farming and sheep herding, across from the cotton fields and around the corner from Texas desert.

M-My mom's name: Peggy

N-Nickname: My name is a nickname, but I'm also called Jin, Viv, VivJ, Francis

O-Overnight hospital stay: Nope, not for myself at least

P-Pet Peeve: Whoa, this is a hard one. People who smack when they eat *cringe*

Q-Quote from a movie: "I am done playing your Chinese food mind games"

R-Right/Lefty: Right

S-Siblings: I have one younger seester

T-Time you wake up: 6 o'clock...bleck

U-Underwear: In every color!

V-Veggies you dislike: Okra

W-What makes you run late: If I can't decide what to wear

X-Xrays you've had: One for my head and one for my lady parts

Y-Yummy food you make: Artichoke Pasta..its a newer recipe but we both really like it

Z-Zoo animals: I like the giraffes and elephants

Things That Make My Heart Go Thump

My husband with my cousins baby boy, Callum.

I was RUNNING!

'You and I are going to run a mile', my cousin said with a huge smile on her face.

I grimaced. She laughed. 'You think I'm in shape, but I'm not!', she tried to reassure me. It didn't really work.

I started the Couch to 5k program in January and made it through week 3 before the snow came and shut this place down for three days straight. I've had a hard time finding my motivation to get back on track since then. I made it up to running for three minutes at a time..but that was back in Febuary.

I have found that building up your tolerance doesn't take long..but neither does losing it.

By the afternoon we were both lounging in her living room, you could tell neither one of us really wanted to get up, get changed, and go run. But we kept talking about it and I finally said 'Let's just get this over with so we don't have to worry about it anymore'. We changed and hit the street.

My cousin said, 'You are going to set the pace. I'm here for you.' And I whined, 'But I don't know HOW to set the pace.' And she yelled at me, teasingly, 'Well you are going to learn.'

I started jogging, slowly, slogging along to the beats of Carrie Underwood. The wind felt like a hand pushing against my chest, blowing directly in our faces. It was like jogging in quicksand. My cousin is idly chatting away. I, on the other hand, feel like I'm going to die.

'Focus on your breathing, in through your nose and out through your mouth. Deep breaths. You have to get past that wall.', my cousin chripped. I might have snarled at her. At this point, we have been running for about seven or eight minutes. The longest I have ever run in one stretch. My thoughts started turning towards excuses. It's not that I CAN'T do it..it's just that I don't WANT to do it. Really, I don't want to. This is stupid. Let's just stop. But those were all just thoughts...I couldn't catch my breath enough to say anything.

My cousin was right, I did get past the wall. My lungs took their screaming down from a ten to maybe a five. I started thinking that maybe I wouldn't die after all. And then I started feeling like I might throw up. I'm sure there is something in the HOA rules and regulations about throwing up on the sidewalk. Surely it is strictly prohibited!! 'You are doing great,' my cousin cheers. 'I feel like I'm going to throw up,' I warn her. She slowed us down a little, 'Whoa, whoa..let's just take it easy.' I couldn't tell if that was concern for me or the scathing letter she would get from the HOA for allowing her cousin to throw up in the neighbors yard?

I focused my thoughts on just making it back to her house without embarrassing myself by horking in the street. And guess what? It worked! And I made it!!! The whole way without stopping! Without throwing up!

Yay me!

I couldn't have done it without my cousin being my little cheerleader. But I am still very sure that she is in better shape than me.

What I'm Loving Wednesday

Link up to WILW over at Jamie's blog.

1. Romance novels. My love of romance novels is no secret. Since I'm patiently waiting for the next J.R. Ward book to come out and Tara Janzen just finished up her Crazy/Loose series..I'm a little at a loss at what to read right now. I know there has to be some great books out there I haven't read, the problem with romance novels is that there are PLENTY of bad ones out there too. Any suggestions, y'all?

2. This here fan-dangled laptop. This is the first laptop we have ever owned and so far I am in LOVE with it. It's already helped with my writers block. I don't really know where the whole 'book writing' thing is going to go, if anywhere, but it's nice to have the urge to get a scene out of my head and into a word document. It's been a while.

3. Vacation time. By the end of every year my paid time off is all but non-existent (not that there is ever any vacation time available to take from Thanksgiving to Christmas anyways). So at the start of a new year its nice to have all my paid time off back to squander as I see fit. Next mini-vacation? This weekend! We're headed to Austin for four days to visit friends and family. There will be music, there will be sunshine, there will be doggy cuddling, there will be shopping, and there will be entertainment provided by two very adorable little boys.

Jin and Jerm's Big Hawaiian Adventure Part 2

We made it down to Poipu Beach and the Hyatt, where I told Jeremy just to wait for me as I hopped out to see when our room would be ready. It wasn't even 11:00am yet and I knew that a lot of placed didn't start checking people in until after noon...never mind the fact that we had just made the reservation THAT morning.

When I walked into the marble floored lobby this was the view that greeted me:

It took my breath away. This..THIS was the Hawaii I was looking for. I picked my jaw up off the floor and tried not to skip over to the check in desk. I told the man behind the counter that we had just made our reservation that morning so I was just checking on when we could get into our room. The lovely man told me that our room was ready right then. Are you kidding me? Someone pinch me.

I flagged down Jeremy and told him to come on in since we were checking in right that very minute. The lovely man asked us if we were in Hawaii for a honeymoon or anniversary and when we told him for our 10 year anniversary he asked if we would like a bottle of champagne delivered to our room. I looked over at Jeremy and then back to the lovely man behind the counter. And then, then I totally channeled my Mom and asked "Well, how much would it cost?" The lovely man didn't even bat an eyelash even though I'm sure he was rolling his eyes at me on the inside, "It's complimentary, ma'am". Complimentary....as in free? For real? Um..yes, please!

The first thing I noticed when I walked into our room was that there was air conditioning..which meant the room was cool and DRY. No more tropical funk. This was the view from our lanai:

We spent the rest of the afternoon exploring the resort grounds. The trees, the flowers, the pools, the birds. They had exotic birds in cages, and others uncaged, all over the grounds with plates next to them telling you what their names were and what kind of birds they were.

And we finally...finally got our feet in some sand down on the uncrowded crescent shaped beach:
After fully absorbing every part of heavenly resort we made our way back to our wonderfully air conditioned room to find our complimentary bottle of champagne waiting for us:

Quirks

About a week ago I participated in Fill In the Blank Friday and one of the questions was about quirks. At the time I couldn't think of one single quirk..but since then I have discovered a few.

1. I HATE wearing pantyhose/tights. I wore pantyhose on my wedding and even today I wonder why I felt compelled to torture myself like that. And I don't care how skinny you are..pantyhose are always gonna squeeze your middle and roll down. Yes they are..don't even try to convince me otherwise.

2. When I'm eating a pint of ice cream I always keep the nutritional value facing away from me. I think we all know where this quirk stems from..but it is still a quirk.

3. The extent of my baby talking to my animals is a little embarrassing. It gets so bad that I'm making up words. I'm pretty sure I contain myself when other people are over or if we take the dogs out. At least, I haven't noticed anyone looking at my like I'm a crazy person so I think I keep it in check when in polite company. Hopefully Jeremy will never get the bright idea to record me and post it on youtube although I'm sure I would get a million hits and end up on Tosh.0.

Jin and Jerm's Big Hawaiian Adventure Part 1

Our anniversary is coming soon and it has me thinking of our trip to Hawaii. I went back on this blog to see what I had posted..and guess what, it wasn't much. I promised pictures and stories and didn't really deliver on either. So I thought I'd do a few posts here and there leading up to our anniversary about our very special 10 year anniversary trip to Hawaii.

When we arrived on Kauai it was raining and foggy. I wasn't overly upset about it, I had spent enough summers in Florida to understand the climate of a tropical locale. Lots of rain showers that didn't usually last. But after a full day of being on a plane waiting to be transported to paradise, it wasn't exactly the greeting I was hoping for.

We got our rental SUV and headed off to find our studio apartment in the tree tops. You see, when I was researching places to stay I thought we might want to stay some place very private..away from most of the touristy stuff. Through VRBO.com, I found a listing for a very simple studio apartment for a great price and booked it. I should have known there might be trouble when the online listing described the place like this:

This studio surrounded by nature is for those who want to experience simple, inexpensive island living with a touch of rustic funk.

Rustic funk...remember that. Also, there were two pages of directions. Y'all, the entire island is about the size of my county (ok..that might be a SLIGHT exaggeration)..if you need two pages of directions to get to a place..run away! They described the road to get to the apartment as 'enchanting'. I described it as 'scarier than shit'. As soon as you turned off the highway the road shrunk to fit only one vehicle, even thought it was both ways, and went straight up. We sort of sat there at the mouth of the road. 'Are we in the right place?' 'This is what the directions say' 'I can't even see around the corner..what if there is another car coming?'

We had no choice but to move forward. And thankfully, for the first trip up this 'enchanted' road, we didn't run into anyone else. But we did come head to head with another truck at one point, he was nice to enough to back up and let us pass..because that was the only thing to be done on this road. Anyway, when we finally found the place we discovered that the studio apartment sat under the main house. Not a big deal until we decided to get into bed and could hear the owners walking around upstairs. Not exactly the secluded treetop hideaway I was thinking of.

Oh, and remember the "rustic funk"? Yeah, well, funk is a good description. The place was functional and that's about it. There was no ambiance, which is sad because with a little money and effort that studio apartment could be great. But we are talking bare bones here people. Hand-me-down everything, there was no rhythm or flow to the place. It felt outdated and....funky...as in tropical ick. Do y'all know what I'm talking about? There was no air conditioning in this place, which isn't uncommon, but the only ceiling fan in the place didn't work either. So..the hot, tropical, sticky Hawaiian air is just sitting in that place. It made everything feel and smell moldy.

I knew from the moment I stepped inside that this was NOT the place I wanted to spend my week in Hawaii. We stayed for one night, one horribly hot, sticky, windy (we left the window slats open hoping to bring in some fresh air..well, it was very windy while we were there and the wind combined with all the banana trees rubbing up against the screened porch sounded more like a tornado..rather than the peaceful tree top paradise I was dreaming about). At 5:30 we were both wide awake, thanks to the time change, and laying in that sticky bed we both decided that if this was not what we wanted we needed to find something else, because we may never get the chance to go to Hawaii again. It needed to be...right. So, Jeremy got up out of bed and turned on a lamp. There laying on the floor was a dead cockroach. That pretty much sealed the deal for me. I wasn't staying there for one more night.

I called my Mother-in-law all the way back in Texas and asked her to help me find another place to stay. After a few phone calls back and forth I ended up with the 800# to orbitz.com. Thank goodness for Stephanie at orbitz. I told her what I needed, for the amount of nights, in the location I wanted and my budget. She hooked us up with a room at the Hyatt. We were saved! But now..what to do about this place.

After breakfast at a local cafe, which we went back to every single morning, we made one final trek back up that freakin'-frakin' "magical" road and knocked on their front door. The lady was still in her morning robe when she answered. We told her that the place just wasn't a right fit for us and that we had found someplace else to stay. We offered her the full week's price...because we're cool like that..but she insisted that we only pay for our one night and wished us well.

Crisis averted..thank you God! As we drove the 15 minutes down to the coast to check into our new room we talked about our little adventure. we learned that as much privacy as we THINK we want...we don't really like to rough it. Ipod alarm clocks and complimentary robes are really more up our alley. Lesson way learned.

A picture is worth a thousand words

After a day of driving, shopping, and more driving.

Marriage 101

Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that. ~Michael Leunig

My good friend, Ashley, is getting married in Vegas this weekend. Actually, she is more like family. We've lived together for so many years growing up, our Mom's sharing a house, that we are kind of like sisters. She and my sister where in my wedding...back when they (we) were barely teenagers.



Anyway, wedding..vegas..this weekend. She snagged herself this great guy, they just bought a house together, they are parents to two dogs. For a start, not too shabby! Considering what a big mouth I am I like to give advice on just about anything. I'm real good at telling people what they SHOULD be doing. Most of the time I don't have any real experience in the topic I'm handing out advice on, but marriage is different. Marriage I know.

So, here I go breaking down marriage..Just Jinny style.

1. LOVE. Always say I love you. Say it a lot. Say it first thing in the morning. Say it before you go to bed at night. Say it every time you get off the phone with each other..every, single, time. Say it even if you said it just five minutes ago. Say it before they run to the store for just a minute. Say it when your mad. Say it for no reason at all.

2. RESPECT. Learn to fight in silence. Having disagreements is normal. You are going to get on each others nerves sometimes. OR, you are going to have a bad day..be frustrated and come home to sometimes be a butt-head to your spouse. Such is life. But, think very carefully about your words before you let them escape your mouth. Sometimes once things are said, it's nearly impossible to take them back..even after the mad is gone. And I've found that if you give a tiff enough silence it has a tendency to snub itself out. It's more about giving each of you time to think about WHY you are upset, mad, frustrated and hopefully realizing that its silly, small, insignificant.

3. SHARE. Tell each other everything. There should be no secrets. This shouldn't be difficult. I know the passwords to all of Jeremy's "stuff" and he knows the passwords to mine. I don't think either of us feels the need to go snooping but we could if we wanted to. I know all of his history, he knows all of mine. If there are money problems, the money handler (if its just one of y'all) should tell the non-money handler. As a married couple, y'all get to work through stuff together..formulate a plan and work together to execute it. There shouldn't be a whole lot of 'I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to worry'. Y'all are a team..there is no 'Me against the world' anymore..it is now 'US against the world'.

4. TRUST. This also goes hand in hand with having Faith. You have to have faith that your spouse is going to always do right by you. And you should always do right by your spouse. If you wouldn't want your spouse to be doing something (which hopefully they aren't) you shouldn't be doing it either.

5. COMPROMISE. I like to buy a lot of shoes..Jeremy doesn't really get it. Jeremy likes to buy guitars..he has four..I think. I don't understand buying more. BUT, we indulge each other in our interests and hobbies. He lets me go to Jackson, MS for a Sweet Potato Queen gathering. I let him go to heavy metal concerts. You have to be willing to meet each other half way, take turns, work it out.

Asian Chicken Noodle Bowl

I pulled this recipe out of the Muscle+Fitness magazine I bought at the grocery store. It looked good, easy, and healthy. But it did use a few things that I've never worked with before. We decided to try it last night and I have to say..I impressed myself.

Here is what you need:

1 tbsp. olive oil
1 yellow onion, chopped
4 carrots, diced
2 garlic cloves, chopped
2 tbsp. chopped ginger
1 jalapeno, diced
2 cups shredded green Savoy cabbage (couldn't find any so used Napa cabbage instead)
1 whole chicken, roasted and shredded, meat only (I used a boiled chicken breast instead)
5 cups chicken broth
4 oz. udon noodles
1 tbsp. soy sauce

chopped cilantro
lime wedges

First you heat the olive oil in a large soup pot over medium heat. Add onion, carrots, garlic, ginger, and jalapeno. Cook until onion is light golden brown.



Add cabbage, chicken and broth, and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for 15 minutes.




Add noodles and soy sauce, and cook for for minutes.



Garnish with cilantro and lime wedges.



Per the magazine, this is about 373 calories per serving (recipe makes 4 servings). It smelled delicious while I was cooking it, bringing Jeremy into the kitchen to investigate. It was filling without being heavy. He gave it two thumbs up.

The Blazer

I can remember when I was younger, probably still in junior high, and my Mom brought home this navy blue boyfriend blazer for me. I hated it and avoided wearing it, much to my Mother's dismay. Little did I know that my Mom was far, far ahead of the curve when it came to the blazer trend. Or maybe I was just way, way behind?

Anyway, my aunt brought me a grey tailored blazer yesterday. She is cleaning out boxes and boxes of clothes and accessories that she hasn't worn in years. So many years in fact that some of the clothes have come back into style. I was very excited to wear it today and this is how I styled it:




I have got to get me some shorter jeggings. I'm short..I mean short, short. Maybe I can find some ankle pants..er..cigeratte pants? Is that what their called? They would probably be the perfect length on me.

Since wearing a blazer is a new style for me I thought I would ask y'all for your advice. Take the picture below and work your style magic on Polyvore to show me how you'd wear it. Post in on your blog and link back here in the comments. I can't wait to see what y'all come up with!

Sunday Listening: You Are More

The Mister

I totally stole this idea! But I figured I mention the love of my life, my hunk of burning love, the sweetest man alive often enough that maybe he deserved a post.

Name: Jeremy Allan

Nickname(s): Jerms or Red

Age: 32

Occupation: Warehouse Receiving Manager

Dream job: Rock Star more specific Vocalist/Guitarist for the worlds biggest metal band

Hobbies: Guitar, World or Warcraft, annoying my wife

Favorite Color: Black and Blue

Favorite Food: Tex Mex and BBQ or TexMex-a-Q

Favorite Movie(s): The Matrix, Pirates of the Carrabian, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, ect., ect.

Favorite Band(s): METALLICA!!!!!!

Early Bird or Night Owl: Early Bird, Grumpy Early Bird

Favorite meal made by Jinny: Chicken Spagetti

Favorite meal made by your mom: Chicken Enchiladas

#1 thing you can't live without: Jinny

Best concert you've been to: Metallica w/ GodSmack and Slayer/Megadeth/Anthrax

Next trip you want to take: The Big 4 concert in California, but thant's not gonna happen

If you won the lottery: I would pay off all our debt, buy a new house and car, build a rehersal space for the band with brand new gear, open up a guitar/record shop, donate a ton to charities, and put the rest in savings.

Bravest thing you've ever done: Ask Jinny to marry me.

Most fun thing you've ever done: Surfing in Hawaii

If you had your own blog, it would be about: Probably Heavy Metal and my band.

Fill In the Blank Friday

It's that time again..

1. The phrase or punctuation I overuse most is...I will confess that I had to look up what a ellipsis is. But, um yeah, I use them....a lot. But if y'all could HEAR the way I talk you would understand why.

2. Today I am thankful for...my work bonus.

3. My best friend is...is my husband. He calls me 'lover' and 'woman' and likes me.

4. A quirky thing about me is...I cannot think of ONE quirky thing. I have to have some quirk, right? Something?! I asked Jeremy, he doesn't know either. He says we must be use to each others quirks.

5. This weekend I...have to work..boo.

6. Something that worries me is...aging. I worry about getting older, Jeremy getting older, my Mom getting older, my grandparents getting older.

7. On my nightstand you would find..a crossword puzzle book, my kindle, phone charger, lamp, a decorative box, and maybe a stray ponytail holder or bottle of water.

Wishing my time away

I can't wait for this weekend so I can go buy one of these:

So we don't have to cook on this anymore

(you see that burner he's using..doesn't work anymore):

And maybe one of these:

So I can blog from here:

How to Charm Me

Him: You know how you get worried about getting older and your wrinkles and stuff?

Me: Yeah.

Him: I think you are more beautiful now then ever before.

To forgive..

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. ~Lewis B. Smedes

Yesterday, one of my friends sent me a Facebook message that really got me thinking. It was about forgiveness and this is what she asked me:

Forgiveness. Literally, honestly, HOW do you do it?

I sat there, staring at the screen for a few minutes. How? How do I forgive? No one had ever asked me that before. My friend went on to mention that when you are a kid, your parents teach you about the importance of saying "I'm sorry" but no one ever really teaches you how to forgive someone. How do you accept "I'm sorry"? What if there never is an "I'm sorry"?

I didn't have a lot of detail about why she was asking, so what I came up with might not work in her case. Because I assumed she wasn't talking about the every day argument with the husband or disagreement with a friend. I tried to pull from my own experience and the only thing I could think of was my relationship with my Dad.

For many years I was very mad at my Dad. I couldn't forgive him for just up and leaving the state. I wanted to know why; Why would he chose to leave us? I wanted to know how; How could he? My Mom, who was quicker to forgive than I was, tried to explain but I didn't want to hear it. I wanted to hear, but I didn't want to hear..it was all a wasteful, viscous cycle.

I'm not sure what changed, inside of me. Maybe it's wisdom that comes with age, I don't really know. But eventually I was able to let go of the anger. I finally came to the understanding that what happened was in the past. No one could go back and un-do it. No one could get that time back. No matter how much explaining my Dad might do it wouldn't change any of what happened. How could I stay mad at him for something that he couldn't go back and change?

Also, what I came to learn is that I have control of the NOW. This is a lesson I learned very well. No one can hurt me if I don't allow them to. I have control over how involved my Dad is in my life. I have accepted that he is how he is, and he is never going to change, and he will always have his reasons for doing what he did. But I have control over how much he affects me NOW, which turns out to be not very much. I love my Dad, he is my Dad. But he will probably never be a very large part of my life. And I'm ok with that, because it's on my terms...not his.

I take these two parts of forgiveness, my own formula for forgiveness, and use it all the time. If someone hurts me, I have to let it go because it can't be changed. But I can make sure that they never hurt me again. This doesn't mean that I cut them out. It doesn't mean that I ignore them. That I can't be friends with them anymore. It just means that I have control over how involved they are in my life, or how involved I am in their life. It's what works for me.

I don't know if I helped my friend at all. I hope I did. But it really did make me think. So, I want to ask y'all. How do you forgive?