Sometimes..

It's the 4th of July. My Facebook and Instagram account are full of pictures of people doing the normal 4th of July stuff. Everyone is out at the lake watching fireworks, gathering for the family BBQ, getting ready for the pool party. But not us.

Sometimes, when the world gets to be too much..when life gets a little too stressful...we retreat to our love cottage. So, we made big plans for the long weekend which revolved around not having to step a foot outside our house.

We did yard work. We read books. We watched some of our favorite shows. We bbq'ed and made s'mores. We listened to music. We enjoyed our back patio and hammock. We picked vegetables from our garden. We stayed up late and slept in (or at least I did..lol). And each night, we crawled into bed saying 'That was the best day ever'.

Sometimes, doing "nothing" is exactly what we need to recharge so we can turn around and face the world again. Not all the time, but sometimes.

Looking out, looking in, looking up - Happy New Years

I bundled up to venture out in the backyard to snap a picture of the sky. I didn't want to do it because the sky is a never ending sea of nothing today. I wanted to capture something beautiful....something I consider beautiful. A lovely sunset of pinks, oranges, and purples. Or whispy white clouds against a backdrop of blue. But there won't be any of that today....just cold, stark white.

But as I wondered around my little back yard, with my camera pointed at the sky, I did find a little beauty in the stillness of the cold. And I couldn't help but notice how lovely the ice covered branches were against the bright white sky.

It made me think about this new year, how everything can be considered new. A true blank slate. A quiet moment to just stop, take a moment to breath and decide how you want to start this new chapter. And it also made me think of this last year. I've been telling myself 2014 has been the year of the holding pattern. Not much has changed, on the outside. But I feel like I've learned more about myself this year. I've stripped away many of my long held notions of how people should act, how I should act and my confusion about why those things didn't make me happy. Things that didn't make sense for a very long time have started snapping into place. I'm sure my friends and family are just about sick of me using the term "introvert" but I am just so excited to finally have some idea of why I have always acted the way I do...why I feel the way I feel. And the more I learn about what it means to be introverted, the more comfortable I have become with saying no, with walking away, with staying in, with telling people what I need.

I can't say that walking away from things and having no one notice hasn't hurt my feelings. I might be introverted but I still crave to be needed and wanted and important to others. I'm still dealing with my feelings of being inadequate, feelings of rejection when I'm not recognized for the things I do. Those things are on me to deal with, not the people around me.

I can say that having a better understanding of how I gather and dispense my energy makes a world of difference to my psyche. I've learned to pay attention to things and people that make me feel good, that make me happy. I'm still trying to get better at or continue to acknowledge those in my life that I love and appreciate. And I've become better at getting rid of things and people that stress me out or drain my energy.

Overall I am coming into this year peacefully hopeful. I'm not looking to dramatically overhaul my life, I don't want to make any grand resolutions or plans. Always reaching for the next thing makes me tired and wears me out. So, I resolve to find my happiness in the very moment that I'm living, I don't need any more or less than what I have right now.

I hope you find your perfect balance this year of peace, love, and hope this year.

In my bag of introvert tricks

This morning I was listening to the Kidd Kraddick in the Morning Show, like I do every morning, and Big Al had a quick bit where he offered a dating tip. Today's dating tip was to have a pre-determined set of topics/jokes/questions in your pocket ready to pull out to spur on conversation. I realized that even though I have not been a part of the dating scene for many, many years I have been using this trick for a couple of years now.

Let's be honest, no one likes that awkward silence of lulled conversation. And for someone like myself, it can be excruciatingly painful to sit in the silence. So, when I know I'm going to be going out amongst the masses where I might be called upon to actually socialize I prep myself with a few topics for conversation.

I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea, I love to talk. Anyone who knows me well might be confused because I can talk a person's ear off. But I have to be really comfortable with that person or group of people to be Miss Chatty.

In general, when I am in a group of people that I might not know well or meeting with someone who is more an acquaintance, I'd much rather be the listener. And I've known other people who do not have a problem with filling up the silence (which I love, because it takes the burden off of me). But when there is a hitch in the conversation flow, I don't have to be a complete mute if I prepare myself with a few topics to discuss.

Now, in the heat of the moment (i.e. being put on the spot), my pre-determined talking points might fly right out of my head. In those instances I try to remind myself that asking the other person questions is always a good back up plan.

Do you see how much work can go into a "simple" get together or dinner?! It exhausts me just writing about it...which is why I don't do it all that often. Knowing this about myself makes me appreciate my family and friends that I am comfortable with or who gladly carry the conversation all the more.

So, introvert or not, what's in your bag of tricks for dealing with people?