Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Marriage 101

Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that. ~Michael Leunig

My good friend, Ashley, is getting married in Vegas this weekend. Actually, she is more like family. We've lived together for so many years growing up, our Mom's sharing a house, that we are kind of like sisters. She and my sister where in my wedding...back when they (we) were barely teenagers.

Anyway, weekend. She snagged herself this great guy, they just bought a house together, they are parents to two dogs. For a start, not too shabby! Considering what a big mouth I am I like to give advice on just about anything. I'm real good at telling people what they SHOULD be doing. Most of the time I don't have any real experience in the topic I'm handing out advice on, but marriage is different. Marriage I know.

So, here I go breaking down marriage..Just Jinny style.

1. LOVE. Always say I love you. Say it a lot. Say it first thing in the morning. Say it before you go to bed at night. Say it every time you get off the phone with each other..every, single, time. Say it even if you said it just five minutes ago. Say it before they run to the store for just a minute. Say it when your mad. Say it for no reason at all.

2. RESPECT. Learn to fight in silence. Having disagreements is normal. You are going to get on each others nerves sometimes. OR, you are going to have a bad frustrated and come home to sometimes be a butt-head to your spouse. Such is life. But, think very carefully about your words before you let them escape your mouth. Sometimes once things are said, it's nearly impossible to take them back..even after the mad is gone. And I've found that if you give a tiff enough silence it has a tendency to snub itself out. It's more about giving each of you time to think about WHY you are upset, mad, frustrated and hopefully realizing that its silly, small, insignificant.

3. SHARE. Tell each other everything. There should be no secrets. This shouldn't be difficult. I know the passwords to all of Jeremy's "stuff" and he knows the passwords to mine. I don't think either of us feels the need to go snooping but we could if we wanted to. I know all of his history, he knows all of mine. If there are money problems, the money handler (if its just one of y'all) should tell the non-money handler. As a married couple, y'all get to work through stuff together..formulate a plan and work together to execute it. There shouldn't be a whole lot of 'I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to worry'. Y'all are a team..there is no 'Me against the world' is now 'US against the world'.

4. TRUST. This also goes hand in hand with having Faith. You have to have faith that your spouse is going to always do right by you. And you should always do right by your spouse. If you wouldn't want your spouse to be doing something (which hopefully they aren't) you shouldn't be doing it either.

5. COMPROMISE. I like to buy a lot of shoes..Jeremy doesn't really get it. Jeremy likes to buy guitars..he has four..I think. I don't understand buying more. BUT, we indulge each other in our interests and hobbies. He lets me go to Jackson, MS for a Sweet Potato Queen gathering. I let him go to heavy metal concerts. You have to be willing to meet each other half way, take turns, work it out.

1 comment:

  1. Jinny,
    You have a excellent grasp on what it takes to make a good marriage and to have a good life. The advice that you have given is sound and will always work.