Worn Out

I had such a great time in San Antonio. And I'll tell you aalll about it...tomorrow.

But, here is a picture to tide you over.

Meltdown - feeling bad for feeling bad

This week has not been going well for me. I'm pretty sure I need a do over. I have left work frustrated nearly every day this week. And the crazy thing is that nothing too unfortunate has happened. It's just the same old crap. But after 11 years, it's wearing on me.

I am torn.

My job pays me very well for the small town I live in. I have decent health insurance that I don't have to pay for (yet). I have several weeks of paid vacation each year. Sounds fairly ideal, yes? Yes. And I try, very hard..every day, to keep these things in mind.

But something is missing, something else. And maybe I'm just naive to want this missing thing because this is the only place I have worked my entire adult life. Maybe this missing thing doesn't really exist. I believe it is heart. It is soul. It is compassion and caring. It is accountability and creativity. It is desire and drive. It is teamwork. It is respect.

I am a drone. A well paid drone. I work in a cubicle farm. I am a number, a seniority date, a percentage, a unit of headcount.

I am tired. I am unsatisfied. I am frustrated. I am unhappy.

Am I crazy for wanting something more? Ungrateful?

My New Favorite Outfit

Top - Charlotte Russe
Jeans - Arizona via JC Penney
Belt - Stolen from Jennifers closet
Shoes - Target
Ring - Charlotte Russe

Weekend Highlights

1. No rain on my drive up there or on the way home...Yay! I HATE driving in the rain, add that in with crazy ass drivers and road construction. Yuck. Me no likey. But the drive was perfect and I didn't even get lost once.

2. Britany Spears Concert. Oh yeah! The show was great!!! We had huge ass half yard margaritas and everyone kept telling us how cute our shirts were. We were singing and dancing in our seats. The ONLY negative of the evening were these three teenage girls that were in front of us. They stood up and danced the whole time. Doesn't sound like that big of a deal. But these girls were dancing...get my drift. And they were wearing little bitty skirts. You see where I'm going?
Aren't we so cute?! I love this picture so much.

Do you SEE how short their skirts are? Oy Vey. Jennifer was having a heart attack..she has a daughter and is now tempted to lock her up until she is 21.

3. The guys at the bar being SHOCKED that I have been married for nearly ten years. I LOVE shocking people with that little gem. One guy actually stopped me to say 'You really are a very pretty girl'. Aw, that was nice. So not use to THAT.

Foxy ladies!

4. Chatting up the local old drunk guy at the bar (hey, he was talking to me..I couldn't be rude and ignore him) and having him guess my age. He got it right on the first try. And then he guessed that Jennifer was 36. She nearly beat him up for that one.

5. Blaring Miley Cyrus 'Party in the USA' in a car full of boys (there were three girls and five boys, we were out numbered)...and the boys are singing it.

6. Shopping with Jennifer and Jaiden. Especially for shoes that we really shouldn't be buying. I ended up buying four new tops, two necklaces, two rings, and one pair of shoes. Not a bad haul.

7. Pei Wei...hello.

8. Sitting on the patio in our PJ's drinking coffee in the morning. I love that we can sit there...with our hair a little crazy and pinned up, smudged mascara, no bras and still just be comfortable with each other.

9. Sleeping with Jazzy Rose. I love that dog.

10. Visiting with Julia. I was able to drive on up to Denton and see Julia's new house. They built it and are still getting situated, but I can tell that Julia is very proud of their new home. And I am very proud of her. I enjoyed our lunch so much. I just wish I had more time to visit. Next trip I make up that way, Julia, it's you and me girl. I'm going back for that Jessica Simpson purse!

Sometimes I wish

Sometimes I wish my cats would ignore me. But they usually don't.

Harley yells at us, she is very demanding, especially in the evening and in the morning. It's to the point that sometimes I yell back at her..'Harley, SHUT UP!' She sits up on my vanity as I am getting dressed for work and actually stands up on two legs to grab at me. There is no ignoring her.

Squeak talks...a lot. You don't even have to be talking to him and he will talk to you.

Otto. If any of our cats ignore us, it would be Otto. But, there are still plenty of times that it is nearly impossible to get rid of him. He wants to be on your lap and even if you push him off he always, always comes back. He also likes to come and sit on me while I'm in bed. I'm usually laying on my side, and he crawls right up there and makes himself comfortable on my hip. Strange cat.

ANTM: Recap

Catch phrase of the season? "I'm not mad at it". Both of the Jay's used it during the first hour of the premire. I tried looking it up on Urban Dictionary to help explain, but it's not listed. Imagine that. I wonder if it will be the next 'FIERCE'. The girls went right into their make-overs, which is unusual. They usually make them sweat it out for at least a few weeks. It's still too early in the season to really pin point their personalities, but I can say that some of my predictions might have been just a little off. Let's go to the pictures!

Ashley. I like her makeover, it makes her look younger. I had to crop the heck out of the last photo, and I hate that. It was edited long ways instead of up and down. She did a very good job of working it on a couch.

Bianca. Oh Bianca. Ok so, she isn't from the streets. The first clip of her solo interview was about how she is college educated and could have a conversation with Collen Powell. I thought 'uh oh, I was so wrong about her'. But her ghetto-ness could not be denied or contained. She gave us the first "I'm not here to make friends" (she probably couln't make friends even if she wanted to because of her stank ass attitude) and also the hissy about her 'makeover' which really wasn't a makeover at all. They bleached her eyebrows. Yep, that's it. And she complained about it, along with her makeup and outfit at the photo shoot. Are you freakin' kidding me? Models get paid to shut up and work it..not bitch and moan. She was in the bottom two and barely made it by. She better check herself.

Brittany. She goes brunette and can't keep her mouth shut. But she is proof that brains can be sexy, turns out she is a math whiz.

Courtney. Bless her heart. She hurt herself at a cheerleading event, broke her foot. So, she is hobbeling around with crutches and a boot. She isn't cheerleader bubbly, like I thought she would be. The judges are already commenting on her toned body. How exactly is she suppose to help that? She can't make herself LESS toned, not over night anyways. This just might spell her doom. The judges just love to take something that the girl really can't help and kick her off for it.

Erin. Girl is working the ice blonde hair. MAJOR! I don't really care for her photo. It's a little too stiff and flat for me. Only time will tell if she can kick it up a notch.

Jennifer. The asian cutie who likes to stick out her booty. lol. Her photo was great, she really stretched her body across the whole frame (again, I had to edit it..sorry). Smart for a shortie.

Kara. Welp, since Bianca is obviously going to be our mega-bitch..I don't know about Kara anymore. Just looking at these three photos though, I'm putting her on the short list. Something tells me she won't last. I don't know what it is exactly.

Laura. Laura is country! I mean country. She's from Kentucky and the girl cracks me up every time she opens her mouth. Totally not what I was expecting. I like her and hope she stays around.

Lulu. Still think she is adorable. She worked it out on her photo shoot. Love it.

Nicole. Not exactly hippy, but she is an odd duck. Supposedly her nickname when she was a baby was Bloody Eyeball. OOOOOOkkkk. Her quirky quietness might get her in trouble later.

Rachel. The makeover was spot on. I shall call her Bambie Jr. from now on.

Rae. I was right, nearly every sentence out of her mouth was about her baby and how she was going to suck it up. She didn't do the ugly cry, yet. She won this week and rightly so. The photo rocks and she was tortured with 8-inch on-pointe heels. Ouch!

Sundai. What did I say about the weave? She was swimming in it. The shorter hair do suits her better. But her photo was blah. She looked like she was about to pass out. Erin needs to let her borrow some of that tension.

Lisa. She was sent home last night. The outfit and balloons just seem to overwhelm her. And she looks really pissed about it.

Well, wasn't that fun?! My sister was texting me all night long. She use to come over on Wednesday nights and we would watch ANTM together. But now she is far away in Dallas, texting is the next best thing.

ANTM: Shorty Edition

Sundai, 18, 5'3". Too much weave! She reminds me of a little girl playing dress up in a wig. She is the shortest girl this season, and it shows in this picture.
Rae, 21, 5'6". Cute girl. She is a mother, so I'm already envisioning a lot of crying and a lot of "I'm missing so much to be here". We'll she if she lasts.

Rachel, 18, 5'5". She's from California..she works in customer service. She has a pretty face. I have nothing...yet.

Nicole, 18, 5'7". I really like her face, it's very unique. I'm going to guess hippy-dippy chick. It's just a guess, so we'll find out.

Lulu, 19, 5'7". Isn't she precious? I like her look too. She is our gay girl for the season.

Lisa, 19, 5'5". She better learn real quick how to use that body, because already she is looking very short..even shorter than Sundai.

Laura, 19, 5'6". You see that face? I bet it's the only one she knows how to give. One trick pony, maybe?

Kara, 19, 5'7". That smile is saying something. I just can't tell if it's more 'Yeah, I'm a bad ass and I know it. Watch me make these other girls bleed with my sharp tongue' or 'Hey boys, looking for a date?' Her body, on the other hand, is all 'Oh hai, I'm a mannequin'.

Jennifer, 23, 5'5". Her occupation is modeling. I hope her experience saves her because she is the oldest girl this season. 23 is practically DEAD in the modeling field.

Cortney, 22, 5'4". She's a cheer instructor. Bubbly and perky...until the other girls beat her down.

Erin, 18, 5'6". Another question mark. Meh. Maybe a little spoiled, but it's just a vibe.

Brittany, 21, 5'5". HHmm, I'm getting attitude from her face AND her body. I bet she's the mega-bitch of the house.

Bianca, 21, 5'7". She looks like she is in pain in this picture. Don't know what that's about, but I'm going to take a stab and say she is from "the streets" and had a rotten childhood. Mark my words.

Ashley, 22, 5'6". Pretty girl. I love her outfit.


*rubs hands together* Alright, it's almost time for the show to begin. I wish someone would make an ANTM bingo! Who cries first? Who has what life threatening diesese (I know its not funny really, but there is always that ONE girl)? Who is going to throw a fit when they cut off all her hair (the last few seasons have had mild makeovers, I'm ready for some hissy)? Who's the first to say they aren't there to make friends? And which girl is Lulu going to be crushin' on?

Why I read romance...

Romance novels are my one true guilty pleasure...except I don't feel guilty about them at all. I love them. I devour them. I usually have a pretty good stack of conquered books always hanging about. I am not alone. Over 64 million people claimed to have read at least one romance novel in 2004. 64 million!

And why do I love reading them so much? Good question. I think part of it just has to do with my imagination. I have a pretty vivid one. I can literally fall into a book to the point that after I'm done reading it, I have a hard time remembering if I just read a book or watched a movie. Another big part of it is the idea of true love. I love..love..lol. It sounds so corny, but it's true. I enjoy reading along as two characters fall in love, for love alone..but the action and conflict and tension don't hurt either. I am in love with the idea of deep, sudden, unshakable love. The type of love that someone might go to the ends of the earth for. Again, I know, so corny..but true. I would often finish a book and sigh. Why can't it REALLY be like that? That's what I use to think.

I keep up with a few different blogs about romance writing and romance books. The other day, one of the entries put it very well. I enjoy the dance of two people who come to realize they love each other. Sigh. It's that a lovely idea? As time has passed I still love to read romance novels, but now instead of seeing them as only stories with impossible emotions that real people don't have, I can absolutely relate. Because, even though our road hasn't been riddled with danger or life-altering secrets, it was a journey for us..a dance, as we realized we wanted to be together, and that our love was (and is) worth going to the ends of the earth for.

Private blogs and who can read them.

So, I've never had a private blog before. I've never felt the need, until now. I never had a private myspace account until recently either. I figured, I don't have anything to hide. I'm an open book.

And for the most part, that is still true. I don't really need to hide anything, but not there is this thing that I would like to discuss...that I would like to share, just not with everyone (yet). No, I'm not pregnant (yet). It's a hobby, a dream, something that I feel deeply about but that I'm unsure of right now. It's a work in progress.

Anyway, I started a separate blog here on blogger for it and set it to private and sent out a few invites to those that I wished to share with (for now). The problem is I wasn't aware that those people had to have a 'google account' in order to accept the invitation. Some of them don't care to sign up for another whole account, understandably so. I went to wordpress and did a little research and it's basically the same there..must be a wordpress member.

So, I'm asking you. Do you have any ideas on how to make a blog 'private' and be able to invite whomever you wish without them having to sign up for any new account to accept the invitation?

Breaking Loose..by Tara Janzen

BREAKING LOOSE ---- SIN AND DANGER COLLIDE WHEN THE HOTTEST SECRET AGENTS IN THE WORLD COMPETE FOR THE PRIZE EVERYONE IS LUSTING AFTER...
No one has ever seen it. Everybody wants it. That is why the government has just unleashed its secret weapon. Drop-dead-gorgeous art dealer Suzi Toussi has been tapped for the toughest mission of her career: to locate the Memphis Sphinx, an ancient artifact rumored to possess otherwordly powers. Tracking it to Paraguay means going up against Dax Killian, the sexy special ops agent who is planning to snatch the coveted relic right out of her hot little hands. If he can find it first... Dax first spotted her outside a seedy bar - in three inch heels and a too-tight dress. But what was Suzi doing in a hellhole like Ciudad del Este? Dax knows the answer: the Memphis Sphinx. Suddenly the game is on. With Creed and Dylan in Paraguay backing up Suzi while tracking down a rogue CIA agent named Conroy Farrel, they are all headed for a showdown that could reveal the truth about what happened to SDF operator J.T. Chronopolous...and the shadowy secrets behind the creation of Special Defense Force...

I love Tara Janzen. I picked up 'Crazy Sweet' on a typical sweep of the new releases at the book store. I wasn't familiar with Tara Janzen and any of the 'Crazy' books at the time, I didn't know that 'Crazy Sweet' was the 6th book of the series. To be honest, this genre of romance novel wasn't what I usually went for. I was a historical romance type of girl up to that point. I think I was a little burnt out and looking for a change. And boy was it a change, I was instantly sucked it to the story and very soon after had read all of the 'Crazy' books. I couldn't stop until I had read them all, they were that good. Of course, I have followed along with all the 'Loose' books as well. The latest in the series is Breaking Loose, the story of Suzi Toussi and Dax Killian. I have to be honest, I found it a little difficult to get into this book. I didn't fall into it as easily as the others. The emotional attachment to the characters wasn't there this time. It made me a little sad, I wanted to instantly love it like I have all the others. Maybe it's because I had a hard time believing that Suzi, the owner of the art gallery featured in previous books, would be taken into the Steele Street fold. She's an art dealer, not a highly trained undercover agent. Also, the sexual tension was lacking in this book. I think it was because Tara didn't spend a lot of time building their relationships in previous books. They didn't have a lot of history with each other before being thrown together in this book. I understand that not everyone has to fall madly, deeply in love but it was truly one of the things that had me hooked in Tara's previous books. I could feel the deep, earth shattering attraction between the two characters. But sadly, it wasn't there this time.

I have kept all of Tara Janzen's books. In fact, she is the only romance author that has caught my attention so thoroughly that I didn't recycle the books after reading. I'll keep 'Breaking Loose' but I'm not sure I'll re-read it again, like I have with her other books. Even though this book didn't catch and hold my attention like the others, I still look forward to the next book in the Loose series.

Weekly Winners

Check out other weekly winners over at Sarcastic Mom!

Dreaming the day away

Me, at work, daydreaming about book plots, character tension, the great conflict, and happy endings.

Random Ramblings

~ I think I'm going to have to give up the flats. I really just don't look very good in them because I am so short..and hippy. I tried on the cutest pair at Payless tonight. Cream colored with some sort of thread that shined running threw it all. Totally cute...totally didn't work for my short ass self. lol.

~ I love a good deal. Bought a new bracelet and pair of earrings tonight, and because I spent over $20 I got this adorable black and silver tote bag for $5.00. Heck yeah.

~ I hate waiting for stuff. period..the end.

~ This whole writing business is driving me crazy. How in the hell do people write entire books? I want to learn more. I have come across different writing weekends and Romance Writers of America chapters here in Texas...just no where close to me. Of course. I live out here in the middle of freakin' no where so there just aren't a lot of opportunities to grow and learn. Please see previous bullet. I'm not giving up on it though. I can't! All I do is sit at work and think about my stupid book...and the stupid story line..and the stupid characters. I love it..and yet, I do not know how to move forward. It's very frustrating.

~ Jeremy wants me to add that football is awesome.
~ except when the Cowboys are playing like crap.

~ Took a family portrait, with all the cats and dogs, for a possible Christmas card. Super cute.

~ I have a goal to get the outside of the house painted by the end of the year. Fortunately, we have family members willing to help. Now all I have to do is pick a color. *groan* But you can help! Here are three options that I like very much, all of these options for the actual house. The trim itself is going to be white. What do y'all think?

I own the clothes, they don't own me

On a suggestion from a reader, E at Am I the Elephant in the Room?, I took my new red and black plaid shirt to my mother-in-law. I showed her how it might look a little shorter and we both agreed that it would be better hemmed. The style is actually leaning towards a longer, almost tunic like, length. Sadly, being vertically challenged, I cannot rock the look. ha ha.

So, here it was before:


And here it is today:


Thank you, E, for the suggestion. The shirt was cute before, but all it takes is a small tweak and now it looks amazing.