Thursday, September 24, 2009

Meltdown - feeling bad for feeling bad

This week has not been going well for me. I'm pretty sure I need a do over. I have left work frustrated nearly every day this week. And the crazy thing is that nothing too unfortunate has happened. It's just the same old crap. But after 11 years, it's wearing on me.

I am torn.

My job pays me very well for the small town I live in. I have decent health insurance that I don't have to pay for (yet). I have several weeks of paid vacation each year. Sounds fairly ideal, yes? Yes. And I try, very hard..every day, to keep these things in mind.

But something is missing, something else. And maybe I'm just naive to want this missing thing because this is the only place I have worked my entire adult life. Maybe this missing thing doesn't really exist. I believe it is heart. It is soul. It is compassion and caring. It is accountability and creativity. It is desire and drive. It is teamwork. It is respect.

I am a drone. A well paid drone. I work in a cubicle farm. I am a number, a seniority date, a percentage, a unit of headcount.

I am tired. I am unsatisfied. I am frustrated. I am unhappy.

Am I crazy for wanting something more? Ungrateful?

1 comment:

  1. would there be any benefit in talking to someone about your concerns at work. someone at work i mean? maybe they would value that you are looking for more out of your job and take you up on the challenge? worth a shot perhaps?