My weekend

I spent my Saturday in Fredericksburg, TX with the women of my family (most of them). The weather was nearly perfect. Overcast with a few sprinkles, which kept it nice and cool. We ate, we shopped, we sang!







Fredericksburg really is such a great little town. So much to do and so much to see..and so much to eat and drink. I can't believe I didn't buy ONE thing, not one. I'm sure my wallet is thanking me. And I can't believe I didn't buy any salt water taffy or fudge. I'm sure my hips are thanking me.

Soul Savin' and Stamp Wastin'

I love getting mail...especially fun unexpected mail. So, I was excited when I got home yesterday and there was a hand addressed envelope for me in the mail. My excitement was quickly dashed, however, when I opened it up.



Do y'all know what this is? It's religious propaganda. The first time I was ever handed one of these little booklets I was waiting for a flight at the airport...with my Catholic youth group. I didn't think much of it until I flipped through it only to realize that Catholics were portrayed as Godless heathens. I had to laugh at that.



I am so glad that they explained the slang. Although, surely people who need saving already know what a 'narc' is...am I right? What I'm really curious about is why people seem to think only I need saving. It was only only addressed to me but my husband is just as heathen-ish as I am...if not more so. He DOES listen to that devil music after all.

Wearing A Memory

When I was younger, a long..long time ago, my parents took me to Disney World. I don't remember much about it. Actually I don't remember anything...except for picking a pearl. Back when I was there the oysters were actually at the bottom of a large pool. You would pick one out and someone would "dive" down to get it and open it for you.

For years and years my Mom kept the loose pearls in her jewelry box. Until finally she had them put on a necklace setting and gave them to my sister and me. I let the necklace hang in my jewelry armoire for a long time because I didn't wear gold jewelry. I know..so stupid.



I've broadened my fashion footprint over the last year or so and have added the necklace to my normal rotation. I usually wear either my Tiffany necklace or my pearl necklace. It's simple and classic and dainty enough not to get in the way. I love that no one can go into a jewelry store and buy the same necklace. I love that this is a piece of my childhood that I get to wear around with me every day.

How To Charm me

In text message:

Him: Thank you.

Me: For what?

Him: Just for being you and letting me be me. You're pretty great.

Okay, Okay, OKAY!

So, if you know me you probably know that my husband and I have been trying to have a baby for years. I'm talking yyyeeeaaaarrrssss. It just hasn't been happening for us. I don't blog about it much. What is there to say, really?

Dear blog, Not pregnant.

Dear blog, Still not pregnant.

Dear blog, You guessed it..

We sort of put it on the back burner for a bit. In any infertility journey, there comes a point when you have to decide if you want to continue with the treatments as they get more and more invasive and more and more expensive. Together we decided that we didn't want to continue, at that point. So we stopped everything. All the doctor visits, all the tracking of anything, EVERYTHING. It all stopped.

Instead we focused on each other, and ourselves. We lost weight. We traveled some. We ENJOYED being a childless couple, instead of letting that fact bring us down.

But, recently we have both been feeling like it might be time to start trying again. Nothing major, just using some at-home tools to help us track my cycle. I know that sounds so strange, but for those of you that have been trying to get pregnant, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. I have some things working against me. I still have endometriosis..and always will. One of my tubes has been damaged, so technically half the factory is closed. But, I have some things working FOR me this time around. I've lost a lot of weight. And where my cycle use to be...non-existent..it is now like clock work. That's a good thing, when you are trying to get pregnant and consistent cycle is like GOLD.

Years and years ago I bought the Clear Blue Easy Ovulation Kit. I used it, and for the most part it would tell me I had ovulated. But there were lots of times that it would never indicate a PEAK time...meaning I might not have been ovulating back then. The little gadget has been in a bathroom drawer for this time we were on hiatus. I brought it out to start this months cycle and BAM!..it worked just like it was suppose to..high fertility to peak fertility and back down again. A beautiful thing! I hope it stays that way (OR I can get pregnant, I'd take that as well).

So there you go. That's what's going down. Sorry to get into some of the more sordid details of trying to have a baby. It's a freakin' miracle that anyone EVER gets pregnant. Geez!

My Postsecret

This isn't the only postcard I have sent in over the years, but it's the only one that was put on the website (which I'm totally OK with). It was on the Postsecret.com website back in 2006.

That was a pivotal time for me. I was lingering up there near my highest weight but I was tired of not liking myself. I was ready to finally embrace my body as it was. That didn't mean that I still didn't want to lose weight, to be healthier, but I had to show myself some love for where I was right then. I was getting ready to do a wardrobe overhaul because I was tired of wearing the fat girl uniform. I was tired of not caring enough about myself, as I was, to even bother to look fashionable or the best that I could look. So I had collected some catalogues for some fashion forward plus size stores. Granted, the price of these clothes were a lot higher, but I was ready to make the investment in myself. Now, the clothes were just an outward reflection of the change that was happening inside me. I had gone for so long without even bothering to pay myself any attention because I always thought I would do it when I was skinnier (even though I did nothing to work towards that goal). But I finally realized that being bigger was not the end of the world. Sure, it wasn't ideal..not always fun..not healthy...but STILL not the end of the world.

And now, five years later, I'm still investing in myself. Loving myself for where I am. No longer plus sized, but normal sized. Embracing my womanly curves and softness and thigh dimples and stretch marks. I still stand by my postsecret. But now I'd much rather be healthy than be fat.

Jinny Now and Then..by request

Jinny, then; Circa 1982

Jinny, then; Circa 1998

Jinny, then; Circa 2007

Jinny, now; Circa this very minute

Works in Progress

They had just settled themselves around the conference table when the big screen TV on the wall blinked on.
"Dylan, it's been a while", the man on the screen said, leaning against a table in a workroom. Dylan opened a file in front of him, "Thanks for meeting with us on such short notice, Rene."
"We both know I own you a whole lot more than this little meeting here, yeah?" A meaningful glance passed between the two men. Roxie looked from Dylan back to the TV and wondered how they knew each other. She noticed the gadgets hanging on the wall behind the man and was surprised to see things she recognized. Tools of the trade, her trade, were lined up on display. She took another look at Rene. Why didn't she know who he was when it was obvious he dealt with people of her profession? But he was a stranger to her. And she would have remembered if she had ever meet him. He was good looking and muscly. As if he could read her thoughts, he crossed his arms across his chest making his biceps bulge.
"This is Roxanne Valentine," Dylan indicated to his right. Rene flashed a breathtaking smile. "The Roxanne Valentine?" She inclined her head in acknowledgment. So she didn't know who he was, it was apparent that he knew exactly who she was. "And this is Cookie Lange," Dylan then motioned to his right. "I do love me some cookies, Cher," his cajun accent deepened slightly as his smile turned more sensual. He might as well have licked his lips. Cookie's face flushed a pretty pink color and she ducked her head, but not before Roxie caught her smile. Travis cleared his throat, staring hard at the TV screen, "Can we just get down to business." Dylan raised an eyebrow, "And you remember my brother, Travis, right?'" Rene just gave a self-assured smirk.

Now and Then

Otto, then.

Otto, now. Squeak, then.

Squeak, now.

Jeremy, then.

Jeremy, now.

Make Impossible Possible

"The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible." - Arthur C. Clarke

Happy Valentine's Day!

Love is what you've been through with somebody (family and friends alike - Me) ~James Thurber

Sunday Wish List

What's In My Make-up Bag?

Jennifer over at First Comes Love gave us a tour of her make-up bag and asked what we had in ours.

This is my make-up bag. I don't think it was made to be a make-up bag but it serves the purpose.

Here is the inside. A little cluttered and disorganized. That's how I like it. You'll find a little bit of everything in there. The brands are all different, ranging in price. I don't really have any loyalty to a brand, only loyalty to what works for me.

My tools of the trade. One year for Christmas my sister and I exchanged gift cards to Sephora and I invested in a nice set of make-up brushes. I also use toilet paper, sponges, and Q-tips...not nearly as fancy.

This is all my "foundation". I use all of this sparingly. I don't like caked on make-up, so I use most of it to just balance out my skin.

Eyeshadow is where I have the most fun. You can see the colors I gravitate towards. Beiges, browns, purples, greys, silvers, whites, creams. I do have a black eyeliner pencil, but I don't use it very often. If I need to line my eyes I just use eyeshadow.

I don't wear lipstick. It's only gloss for me. I usually layer some combo of these three.

I stick with the mascara in the pink tube, that's my go-to mascara. I did get a little sample of two different mascaras in a clinque bag so I use that sometimes to, but once its gone or no good I'll be right back with my pink tubed mascara.

I add a little shimmer to my cheekbones as a very last touch. It's my make-up "trick".

I don't wear any of the stuff above on a daily basis. Did you see my 'This Is Me' picture? That REALLY is me on a normal day. But what I DO use on a daily basis is Aveeno Positively Radiant (in the shower, every morning) and a moisturizer (before I walk out of the bathroom, every morning). Because really, you can cover up your skin with make-up but in the end you have to take care of the canvas.

Happy Valentine's from my insurance company

So, we got this piece of junk mail from our insurance company. An advertisment for life insurance with a little 'happy valentines' note from our agent and a poem. I shall recite it now for your enjoyment.

*ahem*

Because he loved me, brought to you by youdoitforlove.org

He did the dishes

Rubbed my feet

Surprised me with tulips

Took me to musicals even though he didn't like them

Carried my bags while I did the shopping

Held my hand

He died of cancer four years ago.

Because he loved me,

I can stay in our home.

I can be here for our children.

I can afford to pay for their college education.

I can worry about the other things in life besides money.

He still loves me. And he still shows it.

Wow...that is so...so.........morbid. I get the importance of life insurance but it almost seems sleazy to try and drive it home on Valentine's...with a poem about a dead spouse. Happy Valentine's...hope your spouse doesn't die!

This is me.

Souls wouldn't wear suits and ties, they'd wear blue jeans and sit cross-legged with a glass of red wine. ~Carrie Latet

This is me. No editing, no touch-ups, no make-up. As much as I want to love myself as I am, it is hard for me to embrace this image of me. I want to airbrush away the wrinkles, smooth away the dark spots, add some mascara and lip gloss. But that is superficial fluff.

I have skin imperfections. I have wrinkles. My lips are chapped. My hair can be a wild mess. Sometimes I have crap stuck in my teeth. I am rough around the edges. I talk too loud. I laugh too loud. I give out a lot of un-asked for advice. I think ugly things about people people that annoy me.

This is me. Laid bare. My beauty and worth come from some place deeper than my skin. I have to believe that as I look at myself.

The Unofficial Official Do Life 5k Tour

Doesn't matter, I'm still going to try and make one. I don't know which one yet, because there aren't any dates as of right now *tapping foot impatiently*.

Let's do this people.

Shave and a haircut...TWO BITS!!

Sometimes I feel like I can relate to the recovering alcoholic who goes off on a drinking binge. Falling off the wagon, so to speak. Makes sense why the experts advise recovering addicts to stay away from any place that might be serving up their drug of choice.

Since I was moved at work into a new group (same work, different supervisor) there has been a lot more access to pot lucks, or 'goodie days' as we call them. It should be easy enough to tell myself I don't need any of that food. To just pack my own lunch as usual. But it isn't always that easy to deny the temptation.

So I try to rationalize with myself, make deals. I'll oonnlllyy have this little bit. Kind of like only having one drink, right? But then the anxiety sets in. My irrational addiction starts telling me that I have to eat more before its all gone. Because it would be tragic, the end of the world, if I didn't have one more brownie before they were all gone, even though I've already had one...

And a piece of cake.

And a doughnut.

Oh yeah, and I'm not even really hungry.

Trying to keep the addiction under control makes me feel like Roger Rabbit trying to resist finishing the shave and a haircut tune. Even though I overindulged today, I still have the control. Acknowledging my slip and how awful it makes me feel helps me keep it in perspective. This was a hitch in my step, not a full fledged tumble off my path.