Sometimes I feel like I can relate to the recovering alcoholic who goes off on a drinking binge. Falling off the wagon, so to speak. Makes sense why the experts advise recovering addicts to stay away from any place that might be serving up their drug of choice.
Since I was moved at work into a new group (same work, different supervisor) there has been a lot more access to pot lucks, or 'goodie days' as we call them. It should be easy enough to tell myself I don't need any of that food. To just pack my own lunch as usual. But it isn't always that easy to deny the temptation.
So I try to rationalize with myself, make deals. I'll oonnlllyy have this little bit. Kind of like only having one drink, right? But then the anxiety sets in. My irrational addiction starts telling me that I have to eat more before its all gone. Because it would be tragic, the end of the world, if I didn't have one more brownie before they were all gone, even though I've already had one...
And a piece of cake.
And a doughnut.
Oh yeah, and I'm not even really hungry.
Trying to keep the addiction under control makes me feel like Roger Rabbit trying to resist finishing the shave and a haircut tune. Even though I overindulged today, I still have the control. Acknowledging my slip and how awful it makes me feel helps me keep it in perspective. This was a hitch in my step, not a full fledged tumble off my path.