Remembering

I remember throwing myself on my bed after struggling into my size 18 pants. I cried and said out loud, to no one, 'I am not suppose to be this way. I'll kill myself if I go up another size'. Pretty strong words, although I didn't really give it much thought after that momentary outburst.

During my Junior year in high school, I was in the best shape of my life. Not maintaining a ridiculous weight by starving myself, but eating better and going to the gym every day faithfully.


But I feel in love, graduated high school, and got a steady desk job. Contentment breed laziness in me. Over a ten year span, the laziness turned into weight gain which turned into unhappiness. And even though I hated my body, avoided looking at myself too closely, stopped bothering with jewelry or makeup...I allowed myself to inch up to nearly a size 24 before I finally was ready to make a change.


It has taken me the last four years to put myself back on the right track. There was no magic pill, there was no instant weight loss plan, there was no 90 day workout that gave me abs. Slim fast? There is NO such thing. Not when you have 60+ lbs to lose. Don't believe the hype, believe in yourself. Because really, at the end of the day, its not Jenny Craig that makes the change...its you.

Sunday Listening: You've Got the Love

Right in the ear

At about 4:30 this morning I was awakened from a deep, dream-filled sleep by a crackling noise. You know when you have soap suds in your ear and the sound it makes when the water is dissolving it? That was the sound that was in my ear..except I didn't have any soap suds in my ear because I had been sleeping.

Automatically, I was wide awake. And all the episodes of 'Untold Stories of the ER' that I had ever watched flashed before my eyes. My mind went straight to worst case scenario...do not pass go, do not collect $200. OMG, I have a roach in my ear! In my head I was screaming 'Get it out! Get it out!' But I sat up in bed and calmly (at least I thought I sounded calm)told Jeremy 'I think I have a bug in my ear'. As he got out of bed and turned on the light I started to panic just a little, 'Do we need to go to the doctor?' I felt the fluttering in my ear. 'Yes, yes, I think we should go to the doctor.'

By this time Jeremy and I had moved to the bathroom. I was trying very hard not to claw at my ear. As I stood there, very still, trying not to hyper-ventilate I was waiting for Jeremy to get the tweezers or something. He was doing something next to me and when I glanced over he was scrolling on his cell phone. 'What are you doing?' I asked, my voice may or may not have shot up a few octaves in sheer panic. 'I'm getting my flashlight app.' That's right, people. Who needs actual flashlights when we have flashlight apps? Jeremy was telling me to stay calm and not freak out. And I was trying, really I was..but hhheeellllooo, there was a ROACH! In my EAR!

Before he could even get the flashlight app working I felt the roach..bug..roach..move to the outside of my ear. The urge to swat at my ear was so strong but I was afraid if I did it might encourage the bug..roach..bug to go BACK in my ear so I stayed still. Jeremy took a look and determined that the bug had in fact exited my ear...and it was just a little bitty gnat.

So, no roach in my ear. Thank God. And I don't think I'll be watching 'Untold Stories of the ER' anymore.

I Run

The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass. ~Martin Mull

So, it seems I'm doing what all other people do when they have lost a little weight but don't want to be (or are unable to be) stuck in a gym. They run...I run. My cousin friend, that's right..she was my friend before we realized we were distantly related, has been naggin...er, I mean, ENCOURAGING me to run (I'm kidding, Jocie!). At first she was suggesting half-triathlons. And I would laugh because I thought she was joking..and then I would realize that she wasn't. I felt that might be a little too advanced for me considering I can't even run 1/2 mile straight, I've never swam more than a lap of a pool, and I cannot remember the last time I was on a bike. Finally, she gave up that pipe dream and suggested something more manageable. The Warrior Dash in March. It's a 5k..with obstacles and mud. Again, I was apprehensive. BUT, I gave myself a very stern talking to about putting on my big girl panties and told Jocie that I would do it.

Thus began my Couch to 5k training. I mentioned that I really can't run for even 1/2 mile straight, right? After day one of the training I realized I could barely run for 60 seconds straight. I'm glad that I have never been chased or had to run for my life..because then I wouldn't be here, dear readers, blogging you this blog. I would be dead, either from the threat that made me run to begin with..or from the running itself.

My co-workers have heard me talking about the C25k program. So, now I'm getting the stories..you know, you've heard them too, about the 'runners high' that you are suppose to get. I'm still waiting for it. Not sure if it will ever happen for me. At this point, I don't think we will be making the Warrior Dash (this year). But, I haven't stopped training. I could, but I haven't. Every run sort of sucks, but I do it anyway. And I have to admit, sometimes...just sometimes I feel a little tickle, a little itch inside..to run. It's crazy, and I don't understand it because I still don't like to run. But I do it anyway...I run.

Happy Birthday, Seester

Today my sister turns 26. She is old, but as she reminds me..she will never be as old as me.

Happy birthday, Seester. I love you.

Buzzy Girl

This is Buzz

When she was a kitten we thought she was a boy.Turns out we were wrong, but the name stuck.

Finding My Place

I've had this blog for over three years now. That's a lot of mindless crap..lol. I love my blog and hope that I don't ever find a need to walk away from it. But sometimes I get just a wee bit wistful that I haven't been able to make it into more. I don't even really know what that means...which is probably a little of the problem.

I don't get paid for this blog. Which is ok, I guess. Although it wouldn't hurt to have some extra cash. Who doesn't like extra cash? But who would pay me? My blog is really not centralized enough around any one topic to draw the eye of any sponsor. My adventures into creativity are dabbling at best. I am as my 'about me' outlines, good at many things but exceptional at nothing..except for giving my opinion. But that isn't exactly something people are busting down my door for (although they should be, I give kick ass advice).

Actually, I did get paid for the ELF makeup post I did. That is the one and only time I have ever been paid for my blogging services. They loved it SO much that I haven't been asked to do it again.

I've never been to Blogher or any type of blogging convention. And even if I DID go, considering that I would be all by myself and that I am painfully shy..I would end up spending the whole time as a wall flower. What can I say? I don't market myself well. I'm a follower, not a leader. Yuck, I hate even admitting that.

As I type this I keep asking myself:

What Am I?

What is this?

How can I make it make ME rich?...Just kidding...kind of.

I don't have any answer to any of that. I don't know what I am to the blogging world. Nothing really. Just another nobody blabbing away about nothing special. But I'm sure glad you are here...whoever you are, wherever you are..reading all my blabbity blab.

Spicy French Dip Sammies

This is a recipe from my family cookbook, contributed by my cousin Chrissy. We've made it a few times and it is dee-licious every single time. My Mom even gave it her stamp of approval and she is the pickiest eater I know.

So, I'm going to share it with y'all..cause I'm nice like that.

What you'll need:

ONE - boneless beef sirloin tip roast (ours was 1.12 lbs and made enough for about three sammies)

ONE - package of Italian dressing mix

HALF - cup of water

Diced jalapenos..to taste...I took about a 1/4 cup of jarred diced jalapenos. I chopped them up even more and removed what seeds I could.

Hoagie rolls

Swiss Cheese slices (or whatever cheese you like)

Ok...so get your slow cooker out and plug it in. Take the roast and cut it in half and throw it in there. Then in a small bowl, combine the Italian dressing mix (all of it), water, and diced jalapenos. Mix it up real good and toss it in the crock. Slap the lid on and let that baby go for about 8 hours on low (about half way, I poked in there and turned the roast).

Then when its nice and tender, take out the roast and shred it. After the slow cooking it should just fall apart.

Slice your hoagie rolls down the top (like a hot dog bun) and spread them open. I even cut out some of the bread in mine to make more room. Take a slice of swiss and tear in half, lay at the bottom of your hoagie and then pile up the roast on top.

You can skim the fat off the juice in the crock and use it as a dipping 'sauce' for your sammies if you like. It's very tasty.

Y'all have to try it! It is too easy and too yummy not to.

Love Thy Neighbor

Lord, help me!

I know you are suppose to love your neighbor, but I don't think I ever heard that you have to LIKE your neighbor. Living between two rental homes has been challenging over the several years we have owned our home.

On one side we have a rotating door of college students, i.e late night parties, trashed out yards, multiple vehicles, trees spray painted with fraternity logos, and cute little puppies that they grow tired of taking care of that end up bored out of their minds in the backyard. Recently, we had a couple move in...not college students..with young kids. I got excited thinking finally..FINALLY..we might have some nice, normal, quiet neighbors. And they are nice. But...they have two dogs...that stay in the backyard a lot of the time. And they stick their trash bags right outside the back door (instead of walking it to the alley). What do y'all think that means?



That's right. That is the lovely sight that greats me every time I step out my back door. And its been that way for at least a week.

And then on the other side of us is a newly rented house. You see, the guy who owns the house use to live there with his wife. Then they moved Granny in, and well..Granny and the wife did NOT get a long. So the guy and his wife moved out, leaving Granny there by herself. The problem with this is Granny doesn't need to be living by herself. According to the guy, who came over to give us his cell number (just in case), Granny does stuff like turn the stove on and then forgets about it. GGGrrreeeaaattt! And Granny is an animal collector, specifically cats. But I guess that's what happens when you dump cat food out on your front lawn. Every cat in the neighbor hood is going to start hanging around. And don't even get me started on the two hound dogs that are caged in the back yard. I guess they have plenty of room back there, but very little human interaction. I'm not sure why they even keep those dogs. ANYWAY, they moved Granny out months and months ago..but still the dogs remained. The cats, getting hip to the fact that there would be no more kitty buffets in the front yard, slinked off to greener pastures. The house was empty and quiet, besides the two baying hound dogs in the back yard until....WHAM! Suddenly there are two limos parked up in front of that house. Y'all have to understand, our street is just not that wide and our houses are just not that big. Two limos takes up a whole lot of space. Turns out they are the new renters, running their limo business from their new homes. GGGrrreeaaatt! And the dogs? Still in the backyard..weird.

I was JUST started to get over the limo thing when someone knocked on our door last night. It was the lady from the limo house next door. And this was her story. They didn't pay their electric bill, so the power was turned off. She went to pay the bill, but in the meantime her stupid husband went and tampered with the meter box to turn the power back on. When the electric company went out to turn the power back on they found the tapering and turned the power BACK off and put a lock on the box. And no one would be back out to 'straighten it out' until Monday. So....since that mean ol' electric company screwed THEM over could they possibly 'borrow' some of our electricity and use one of our outside plugs. My husband, the saint, told them yes. He was a little mad at himself afterwards because..really..who asks their neighbors for electricity? It's just not normal neighborly behavior. She kept telling him just to let her know when we got our electric bill and they would give us some money. We might be nice, but we aren't stupid. This evening we will be unplugging their cord and letting them know that this will not be happening in the future...ever.

Lord, please...send me some nice normal neighbors who only want to borrow sugar and actually care about their pets and their yards.

Things that gross me out

Doggie anal glands.

*gag*

That is all!

I hate this part right here

Sometimes being a woman is a bitch (thank you! I'll be here all week). I am in the middle of a seriously heinous bout of PMS.

I'm restless.

I'm irritable.

Nothing fits me right.

I'm tired, but I haven't been sleeping well.

I'm lonely, but don't want to be around people.

And I'm hungry...for everything.

Take all of that, wrap it up, and stamp a big ol' PMS on it. Even Jeremy recognizes what's going down..which would explain all the cowering he's been doing. Ha, just kidding. I managed to stay away from the vending machine today, but barely. That snickers bar was calling my name...loudly.

I just want to curl up in bed, with extra blankets, my kindle, my Lola, endless episodes of Bones, and Ben & Jerry's ice cream (lots of it).

Because they were just so cute..

A Nice Surprise This Morning

I was awarded the Stylish Blogger Award by Raven! This happens so rarely that it tickles me pink. Thank you.

These are the rules:

Thank and link back to the person who awarded you the award.
Share 7 things about yourself.
Award 15 other bloggers.
Contact these bloggers and tell them about the award.

Seven Things About Me, that y'all don't already know? That's tough.

1. I'm not allergic to anything (that I know of).

2. I was Martha Washington for a school report in elementary. My Grandma made me the cutest green dress, with white ruffled trim around the neck and arms..I think I still have that dress.

3. When I dream I have very weird, vivid dreams. The other night I dreamt that my husband took a second wife. She had blonde hair and was very plump and trying to convince him that I was purposely trying to avoid sleeping with him.

4. I usually think I know best.

5. I worry a lot. I think it has a little to do with my huge imagination.

6. Really wishes we could just *pouf* ourselves to where ever we wanted.

7. There are many things that I want to be...so far, none of them are panning out.

I would like to give the Stylish Blogger Award too:

1. Ayla Bean
2. Maggie Anne
3. Jill
4. Sarah
5. Kelly

So, I'm breaking the rules just a little..that's about par for me.

Beautiful

This is something I heard this morning at Church (on the internets) and it touched me so I wanted to share.

About a year ago today...

I got off the Weight Watcher train. Weight Watchers was a wonderful tool for me! But I didn't want to be a lifetime member. I wanted to stand on my own two feet and live my life being accountable to myself. I wasn't sure I could do it. But I had to find out.

At the time I was 156.6. As of yesterday morning I am at 151.2. I have maintained my weight, by myself, for a full year. That seems so small..and yet so significant all at the same time. I really wasn't sure if I could do it. But I feel so proud to know that I did. Even though I had moments of weakness(lots of them)and spans of inactivity, I was always mindful of my body and how I felt.

And it worked! Amazing.

I'm starting this year by training for my first 5k. I'm terrified...and not at all sure I'll be able to do it (do you see a trend here). But I'm going to give it my best shot.

Measurements(2010):

Bust: 37"
Waist: 33"
Hips: 43"
Thighs: L:25/R:25.5"
Arms: L:13.5/R:14"

Measurements(2011):

Bust: 37"
Waist: 31.5"
Hips: 41"
Thighs: L:24/R:24"
Arms: L:13/R:12.5"

What the....

I spent all yesterday feeling...unsettled, restless, anxious. I couldn't figure out why. I didn't have anything pressing that HAD to be done by the end of the day. From the outside looking in, it was a relaxing and uneventful Sunday.

So, why wasn't I relaxed?

Now, I did have a few things on my list for the day that I didn't get accomplished. But it wasn't anything that couldn't wait. I was going to bathe the dogs, which I didn't do. And I was going to take down the holiday decorations...also not done. But I did wash all the bedding, visited with my Mom, walked the dogs, and walked myself. I blogged, I played on facebook, I even went to Church that morning (on the Internet). See..plenty was done.

So, why did I feel so restless?

I thought maybe I was just bored, and maybe that was a little bit of it. But I also felt almost anxious...when I had no reason to be. And then it hit me. I have the after holiday blues. I'm not sure I have ever experienced this before. The idea of getting back to normal is both appealing and unattractive to me right now. I'm having anxiety about the year to come and all the things I hope to accomplish. Its overwhelming..which is crazy..because the year has barely started.

Novel Bits

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Goals for 2011

1. A New Dishwasher

2. A New Stove

3. A Costume Birthday Party

4. A Kick Ass Concert

5. A girl's weekend with the crazy ladies of my family

6. Warrior Dash

7. A trip with my sister

8. Getting my toes in the sand

9. Cultivating my talent

10. Getting a laptop

11. Visit Lost Maples

12. Go to the Texas Ren Fest

13. Visit friends, family, relax, calm down, laugh until I cry, savor good food, remember my blessings every second.