Right in the ear

At about 4:30 this morning I was awakened from a deep, dream-filled sleep by a crackling noise. You know when you have soap suds in your ear and the sound it makes when the water is dissolving it? That was the sound that was in my ear..except I didn't have any soap suds in my ear because I had been sleeping.

Automatically, I was wide awake. And all the episodes of 'Untold Stories of the ER' that I had ever watched flashed before my eyes. My mind went straight to worst case scenario...do not pass go, do not collect $200. OMG, I have a roach in my ear! In my head I was screaming 'Get it out! Get it out!' But I sat up in bed and calmly (at least I thought I sounded calm)told Jeremy 'I think I have a bug in my ear'. As he got out of bed and turned on the light I started to panic just a little, 'Do we need to go to the doctor?' I felt the fluttering in my ear. 'Yes, yes, I think we should go to the doctor.'

By this time Jeremy and I had moved to the bathroom. I was trying very hard not to claw at my ear. As I stood there, very still, trying not to hyper-ventilate I was waiting for Jeremy to get the tweezers or something. He was doing something next to me and when I glanced over he was scrolling on his cell phone. 'What are you doing?' I asked, my voice may or may not have shot up a few octaves in sheer panic. 'I'm getting my flashlight app.' That's right, people. Who needs actual flashlights when we have flashlight apps? Jeremy was telling me to stay calm and not freak out. And I was trying, really I was..but hhheeellllooo, there was a ROACH! In my EAR!

Before he could even get the flashlight app working I felt the roach..bug..roach..move to the outside of my ear. The urge to swat at my ear was so strong but I was afraid if I did it might encourage the bug..roach..bug to go BACK in my ear so I stayed still. Jeremy took a look and determined that the bug had in fact exited my ear...and it was just a little bitty gnat.

So, no roach in my ear. Thank God. And I don't think I'll be watching 'Untold Stories of the ER' anymore.