Wednesday, December 23, 2015

The hottest damn president this country has ever seen

This presidential race is getting a little ridiculous. Have you seen the Republican candidate line-up? They have their own baseball team standing up there on stage. And the quality of some of those candidates has me crying and laughing both at the same time.

The sheer craziness of it all got me thinking....if Donald Trump can join this circus...why can't I?

SO...I'm un-officially officially announcing that I will be running for President of the United States in 2016. I'll more than likely run on the Democratic side, but only because the line ups of the parties look like a very sad game of Red Rover. I just want to help even things out.

I know I'm late to the game, but I promise I have about as much to offer as Mr. please hear me out.

If I'm elected as President I promise there will be Pugs in the white house.

As your President, I promise to always be dressed cute. I know it did WONDERS for First Lady Michelle Obama to always have your outfit on fleek.

As to gun control, I would make everyone throw all the guns into the ocean. Unless they are pink and glittery. Those can stay.

As President, I would start the tradition of Presidential jewels. Because everyone needs a tiara.

Once elected President, I would decree that every presidential cabinet meeting would have mandatory margaritas.

As President of the United Statues, I would add a 'We are all acting like five year olds' clause to the Affordable Health care Act that would state that "boo-boo kisses" are an acceptable form of treatment by all doctors and or nurses, and will be free under the AHA.

As President, I would offer to sit in the Rose Garden at the first of every month and yell 'OFF WITH THEIR HEADS' at tourists. But just for funsies.

If I am elected President, I would make the salad knife the official kitchen gadget of the nation.

As President, I would make bang trims free for everyone, no matter where you are in this country. Everyone should have access to affordable hair maintenance.

As to immigration, I say let them all in. The more the merrier.

As President, I would outlaw war. Instead, any opposing parties will be required to hug it out.

Considering what other candidates are promising, I think I have a pretty strong platform. And I am no politician. I am of the people and FOR the people...unless you don't like pink and then I'm voting you off the island.

If a rich asshole can do it, a poor asshole can do it too!


  1. I think you are on to something. It's time for a Pennsylvania Avenue pug.

  2. This is hilarious. And your part about guns gave me an idea -- what if we start bombing our enemies with glitter? People hate that stuff.