Sunday, December 20, 2015

That time I almost murdered my husband

Every Wednesday night, my husband goes over to his friends house to jam. And every Wednesday night my husband does not get home until very early in the morning. This is nothing new. This has been going on for years.

And I've pretty much become accustom to spending the evening and going to bed by myself. It hasn't really bothered me....until recently. I don't know what exactly has changed. I'm thinking its because Duke, my guard dog, is getting older and can't really hear anything anymore. I know he wouldn't be able to hear anyone sneaking into the house. Sometimes, when we get home from work we can walk right up on him sleeping before he wakes up. So, my paranoia has been flaring up.

Last Wednesday night, I woke up thinking I had heard my husbands voice. I sit up slightly in bed, waiting to hear or see him coming down the hallway. But it's quiet in the house. I look at the floor, Duke is sound asleep. I start thinking maybe I didn't hear him...maybe I was dreaming it..and so I lay back down. I might have even dozed back off but then I wake up to a THUMP in the living room.

My heart starts racing. I still don't hear my husbands voice and he hasn't come down the hallway....but someone is in my house! I quickly scramble out of bed and noisily wrench open the night stand drawer on my husbands side, I want whoever is in my house to hear me reaching for something (hopefully they think its a big ass gun). I know he keeps a few knives and things in there. I grab the first thing I see, a box cutter, and move out into the hallway.

By this time, my husband has heard me in the he puts it he heard panic in the bedroom...and he pops around the corner of the living room, 'Babe? It's just me'.

I clutch my heart with free hand, 'You scared the SHIT out of me!'

He came down the hallway and hugged me and can see the night stand drawer open. 'Uh, what were you looking for in there?'

'A knife,' I say into his chest. He laughs.

After he finished hauling all his gear into the house, which was the thump I heard, he crawls into bed. I was facing away from him but I started laughing and so does he. He says into the dark, 'I'm glad I don't keep a gun in that drawer'.

The next day, as I was home after work waiting for him to get home, my cell phone rings. It's my husband.

Me: Hey Babe.

Him: I just wanted to let you know I am in the driveway and about to enter the house...please do not try to murder me.

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