**Guest Post by my rock star husband**
A tragedy has befallen me this evening. Due to a most significant miscalculation with my new hair trimmer, I have been robbed of my most precious beard.
The soft, supple locks that once adorned my face are but a pile of clippings rimming the bathroom sink. And as I watch them slowly flow down the drain, like ashes in the wind, my mind drifts back to happier days when beer would trickle down the whiskers that lined my mouth, or combing my fingers through the gentle curls around my jaw.
As I gaze upon myself in the mirror, my cheeks naked and exposed to the elements, I find myself spiraling into a depression so deep I fear I may never escape its depths. Tonight I will shut myself in and hide my shame from the bearded world.