Monday, November 10, 2014

Working on me

I often keep myself shut up tight. My sister laughs at me because she doesn't understand how I can actively choose to hide away in my house rather than going out to interact with people. It's very easy for me to retreat into myself and my home. So I have to make a pointed effort to go outside my comfort zone, to say yes to any invitation that might come my way, to remember that people won't want to get to know me if I don't attempt to get to know them.

But it's hard, y'all. Very hard. I see every invitation as a chance to put myself out there and when nothing really comes of it, I can't help but feel rejected. Which, in turn, makes it that much harder for me to say yes to the next invitation. I feel rejected a lot. Jeremy tries to tell me not to take it so personal, more than likely it doesn't have anything to do with me. But I can't seem to help it.

I am working on it, though. Or trying to. I'm trying to proactively put myself out there and talk myself through the disappointment if it's not recuperated. I'm bouncing back a little quicker. I'm not sure I'll ever be much different than how I am. This is just me, and I have to learn how to deal with that. But I am learning, every day, all the time. And I like being me..mostly..usually. lol.

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