Thursday, June 13, 2013

Just keep swimming

I haven't had much to talk about lately. Things are going on, but the minute I start thinking "I'm going to blog about this" I just as quickly start the negative back talk of "No one gives a crap about that".

I guess you could say I am in a bit of slump.

The only things that are really weighing on my mind right now are heavy and negative and probably self-imagined. You see....I seem to always feel like people don't really like me. I've tried talking this out with Jeremy and he has assured me that there isn't anything wrong with me. But still the feelings remain.

I feel inadequate.

I feel uninteresting.

I feel lonely.

I feel like an outsider.

I WISH I could feel like I am the most interesting woman in the world. I wish that I was ok with being alone all the time. I wish that I didn't get insanely jealous of other people and their family vacations and girls weekends. I wish I could just give and give and give of myself and not be upset when I get nothing back.

I try to keep myself open. I try to say YES as often as possible. I try to throw myself into the things that interest me. I try to help when I can, where I can.

But I feel like I'm just keeping my head above the water, silently treading water to keep myself from drowning.