Thursday, June 13, 2013

Just keep swimming

I haven't had much to talk about lately. Things are going on, but the minute I start thinking "I'm going to blog about this" I just as quickly start the negative back talk of "No one gives a crap about that".

I guess you could say I am in a bit of slump.

The only things that are really weighing on my mind right now are heavy and negative and probably self-imagined. You see....I seem to always feel like people don't really like me. I've tried talking this out with Jeremy and he has assured me that there isn't anything wrong with me. But still the feelings remain.

I feel inadequate.

I feel uninteresting.

I feel lonely.

I feel like an outsider.

I WISH I could feel like I am the most interesting woman in the world. I wish that I was ok with being alone all the time. I wish that I didn't get insanely jealous of other people and their family vacations and girls weekends. I wish I could just give and give and give of myself and not be upset when I get nothing back.

I try to keep myself open. I try to say YES as often as possible. I try to throw myself into the things that interest me. I try to help when I can, where I can.

But I feel like I'm just keeping my head above the water, silently treading water to keep myself from drowning.


  1. I can totally relate to you. And when i try to talk to my BF about this I get the same thing.. I am fun and interesting or I get the, well maybe you should do this that or the other and become the initiator. And maybe that is true, but i have always felt that if people wanted to invite me to something, while I am standing in front of them, then they would do it. But i don't get that very much. I too feel inadequate and like the elephant in the room. not sure where it comes from, but i wish it would go away. :(

  2. Its very easy to feel that way - I don't neccesarily feel like that out in the "real world" but I certainly feel that way in the bloggerverse ... I don't know if this is what you're referring to but when I read most blogs I feel like, seriously?!? Where do these chicks, who are my age find the time, money, energy to travel constantly and take pictures of EVERYTHING, and be "Over the moon" about every little detail of life. They're excellent story tellers these ladies. I love to read about their lives and adventures but I relate better to the blogs that only have a handful of followers - who actually talk about life and can admit that not everything is perfect. If blogger helps contribute to the feelings you are having maybe taking a hiatus is in order. I hope you start feeling better soon!

  3. You cannot ever claim the title of most-boring-ever, because I'm not letting it go anytime soon! :D