Saturday, October 26, 2013

A peek behind the curtain

Sadness is almost never anything but a form of fatigue.  ~Andre Gide

I'm tired, y'all.
Work is eating me alive. Chewing me up and spitting me out at the end of every day. I'm not use to not knowing what I'm doing. It's an awful, frustrating feeling.
My feelings are bruised and tender. I can't say I'm surprised, this is just what happens, but it still makes me sad. Makes me doubt myself and my worth.
I feel sorry for Jeremy. He deals with my crazy emotions as best he can. It's not like this is the first time I have been swallowed by emotions. I know he just wants to make it all go away, but doesn't really know how. There really isn't a way.
I've been reserved, broody, silent. I figure no one really wants to hear all the negative thoughts that are pinging around my head, so I've been trying to keep them to myself.
I've been crying in the shower...over a video...over something I read in the paper.
I don't know how to make it better.
I don't know how to stop feeling this way.

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