Saturday, May 30, 2009

My Inner Critic

I have this voice inside my head. It's not a very nice voice. It reminds me about all my short comings. It whispers about my talent, or lack of it. It whispers about my weight and how far I still have left to go. It whispers that I haven't done anything with my life.

When it was time for my 10 year high school reunion, my inner critic laughed cruelly. It said, 'What are you even going to talk about?' It told me I wasn't a person worth knowing about. I allowed my inner critic to make me feel like less. And at the reunion I didn't talk much about myself and my life. What WAS there to talk about? I didn't go to college, I've been at the same job since I left high school, I've never moved from the town I grew up in, I don't have any kids to talk about. I haven't been anywhere, I haven't done anything. I let my inner critic convince me of all these things.

Many times before I have listened to my inner critic as I looked at myself in the mirror. I listened as it told me that I was beyond saving, that I would be fat forever. It said I didn't have the will power to change my bad habits. It told me that I wasn't pretty any longer. It told me that it was a good thing that I was married already because no one else would want me. And every time I failed at any sort of weight loss, my inner critic laughed at me. I let my inner critic convince me of all these things.

And as my love for photography has grown, so has that little voice inside my head. I don't really have any talent, it says. No one is going to want those photos, it whispers. Any time I think I might be able to do something with this passion that I have, my inner critic just laughs at me. Who would hire you? Why would they want someone with NO experience? You just aren't good enough. I let my inner critic convince me of all these things.

5 comments:

  1. WOW, I thought I was the only one with that damn annoying inner critic. I'm sorry that you're having a hard time with it and I've never been good at advice but just TRY and believe the good things that your honey, your sister, your mom, your friends tell you. You are GREAT - no one in your life would lie to you :)

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  2. For the past 16 weeks or so I have been taking an empowerment class. I was SHOCKED to find out that other people had those core hurts the same as me! (that sounds very self centered, but before I took this class, I figured I was the "crazy" one and NO one could be like me)

    What I have learned is that everyone has a core value. It is your birthright. You are valuable, loveable and important. Just because you are.

    When you are hearing your inner critic..try to remind yourself that your core value is there...it just needs to be tapped into.
    Use affirming statements.

    It takes a lot of practice, and I am sure not an expert at it yet, but it does work.

    xo

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  3. most of us have these annoying critics in our heads....we can't let them win. We just can't.

    hugs!

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  4. Tell your inner critic to take a flying leap. I have never met you in my life. I subscribe to your blog because there was something about it and you that I liked. I enjoy reading your posts and hearing what you have to say. YOu are a lucky woman. You have a husband who seems to adore you and a great family. My philosphy is screw what everyone else thinks. Dance like no on is watching, sing like no one is listening.....and remember, God doesn't make junk :)

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  5. I think it's OK for us all to have moments of self-doubt. It's a normal part of the human condition. But at some point, we have to balance those thoughts with even more powerful moments of self worth.

    From where I sit, you've got the gift of photographic vision. Learn to ignore the naysayers: listen instead to the voice in your head that says you're damn good at it. Then follow your heart as you pursue it even more deeply.

    As someone who writes for a living, it's a process I afind myself following each and every day. I can't let the doubters win, and I can't let myself fall victim to it either.

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