Monday, March 24, 2008

Never mind the moody woman behind the curtain..



"At the end of the day, a loving family should find everything forgivable."

I'm having a hard time putting this post down. I have tons of thoughts in my head right now but I can't seem to come up with a way to put them in order, or what to edit as not to offend anyone that might read this. I don't have the intention of stepping on any toes. What I am feeling right now stems more from inside of me than from outside of me.

Lately, I feel like I am lacking. Just lacking and dull.

When I re-connect with someone I haven't spoken to in months they always ask, 'So what's been going on with you?' My answer is always the same:

'Nothing'

'Same old, same old'

'Just working'

But I'm not kidding. It's really nothing. To the point of being boring. What do I have to talk to people about? I live in the same house, I have the same number, I have the same job, same husband, same car, same problems. Nothing changes. It's always the same.

We paint walls, change the decor in our house, to try and help me and this issue I have with being boring. It helps for a little bit, but never for long. I have a steady, good paying job. We have a very cute home. I have a happy marriage. I should feel successful, accomplished, content.

So what's wrong with me?

3 comments:

  1. The first thing that comes to mind is spirituality. You didn't mention it and maybe it's not an issue for you at all, but a lot of times when we feel disconnected and lost when everything seems perfect it boils down to spirituality, which I don't mean to confuse with religion (the two can be vastly different in my opinion). Finding deeper meanings within ourselves and in our lives is really important to a lot of people. Some people can float along and never connect with something beyond the superficial, but for those of us who feel the longing for more, it usually is our soul tugging for replenishment.

    Reading books that awaken our senses or volunteering our time to those less fortunate or simply practicing random acts of kindness all tap into our spiritual side. Finding a cause which helps reinforce that there's something greater than our tiny little mundane world is always a good way to achieve personal fulfillment.
    Sometimes we just need our insides shaken up a bit.

    For each of us its different. I write. I laugh a lot. I play with my kids. I read. I educate myself on things. I bake. And in the most simplest of ways (ironically, one of the most difficult) I try my hardest to always be myself. If we're too busy holding up an image to satisfy others -be it for a spouse, our family, a boss or just our friends- we lose a great deal of who are and its easy to feel alone, sullen, lost and even angry. Boy have I been there too many times to count.

    So my advice? Check into yourself. Evaluate your wants, dislikes, desires. Make a list if you have to, even of the most minuscule of things, that you want more of -for yourself, for your family, out of life- and then find ways to achieve them. Nothing is more dreadful than feeling stagnant in your own skin, so do whatever it takes to feel alive!

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  2. Nothing is wrong with you! We're just human being who sometimes find discontentment everywhere. Personally, I've had to deal with that alot. Lately I've come to understand that when nothing is going on, that can be a VERY good thing!lol

    When life gets too quiet, I just seek God and let him know how I'm feeling. He normally does something after that to bring alittle sunshine!

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  3. Hi, I found you through 20somethings. This post rings true with me right now. I'm going through a similar thing. I never have anything to say to anyone. Not anything I think anyone would be interested in anyway.

    Jenn has some good advice above. I've used the quiet times to give myself space and room to let new things come into my life. I've trusted that I'll get some kind of 'sign' about where to go now, what's missing, or what needs done in order to feel more fulfilled.

    Maybe the dull times are there so that we appreciate the exciting times even more!

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